Saturday, May 7, 2011

Weekend Morning Juice: Mother's Day Celebration 101 by Athena the Pug

The first Mother's Day was celebrated by the Ewok-Wookies tribe in the remote jungle of Brazil's Amazon Basin. According to historians and anthropologists, the day of mothers came to be when the fathers and male elders of the tribe became suspicious of their women spending too much time in the jungle hunting and gathering food, which was their primary responsibility while the men stayed all day at home. They became extra curious because the women always came home extra happy. One woman blurted out their secret while talking loudly in her sleep and the fathers became suspicious so they deceived the mothers by giving them a day off. The men after extensive search and investigation found out that the women built a giant water slide near the falls. 

Not convinced? Okay, okay. That story came from my dog, which she said came from a chain letter Pee-Mail she got when sniffed the base of the electric post while out for a walk the other day. Don't worry, I warned her to check maybe her Pee-Mail got hacked. 

The real Mother's Day, actually, was first celebrated in different times in between the 1870s and 1880s. A usual gathering of mothers who lost their sons during the American Civil War was the inspiration and the kick-start of the holiday. Several years after, the U.S. Congress legislated the marking of the second Sunday of May, which was then officially proclaimed by President Woodrow Wilson on the 9th of May 1914. 

Mother's Day is not just about gifts and material things. Its very essence is remembrance and gratitude. Spending quality time with your mother and saying "I love you" or "I'm sorry" or "Thank you" (or perhaps all) would be the best way to do it. 

Here's Athena the Pug's suggestion on how to celebrate Mother's Day with a BANG: 

1. As soon as your Mother wakes up, tell her how thankful you are for carrying you for 9 months. You started as an an egg so you might as well cook her a nice over-easy egg or the perfect omelet. 

2. Giver her baby slippers so that when she walks, it's all comfy and smooth. Or, if she feels crusty and moist, give her the bread slippers to walk on, which by the way is a good pair to your eggs. Ask her first if she wants it toasted or buttered or plain.
Pardon the hairy legs.
With butter or jam or cheese?
3. Since it's her day and you are too tired and busy preparing for the big Mother's Day celebration, ask her to hang your baby brother in the closet because it's her off day. 

4. Ask her if she wants her over-easy egg or omelet spicy. If she wants it extra spicy, put the whole chili.

5. Show her your first of many gifts. Your wonderful creation: a one-of-a-kind doormat.

6. Then show her your second gift: her old work photo you salvaged from the archives in the city library. She'll be very happy because she thinks all the old photographs from her old workplace are gone during the fire, which she accidentally started when she put a buttered bagel inside the toaster. 

Where's Mom here?
7. For dinner, tell your Mom you're bringing her to a special McDonald's branch where Ronald McDonald will be dressed in drag for a day. Oh, tell her their specialty! She'll love it!

8. Remember, your Mother is a dedicated and highly-respected environmentalist so tell her you've made a special arrangement with McDonald's to honor her with a special Mother's Best Hamburger.

9. Then finally, tell her that you love her and that she's best. 

10. Also, remind her to get your baby brother inside the closet. 

With much love and many wet kisses, 


P.S. Update me what happens next. Gee! Can't wait for Father's Day!